Tag Archives: mindfulness

LIFE: The Fine Print

Whether we realize it or not, during every waking moment, our lives are being created through our moment to moment experiences. We either create our lives through intentional activity and conscious experience, or we float along with low levels of awareness as passive recipients of happenstance.

I often use the metaphor, “sleepwalking through life.” Scientifically, sleepwalking refers to the performance of normal activities while barely awake in a state of low consciousness. Sleepwalking through life, therefore, refers to the state of unconsciousness living – unconscious consumption of environmental stimuli, underdeveloped awareness of our environments, and overall disconnection from a sense of purpose.

We create all of our goals and decisions within the present. Therefore, our future strivings and outcomes are based on the experiences and directions of the present. It is sort of like the butterfly effect; each flap of our wings sets other phenomena into motion which largely affects all future outcomes. This means that goals and decisions require present-mindedness because it is the only place where decisions can take place – we can’t go back to the past, and the future, without a doubt, is dependent upon the present.

Though it is impossible to fully control what we experience, being present and aware allows us to be active participants – aware of our options, able to make decisions, and consciously engaged in the sensations and experiences of our activities. In a nutshell, present-minded awareness allows us to experience our experiences. Furthermore, it allows us to experience life rather than be subjected to it.

Most people find comfort in the idea of having a sense of control over the direction of their lives. Intuitively, we understand that we cannot truly control every aspect of our lives. However, conscious living allows us to be more aware of our selves, purpose, and environments and, therefore, more able to embrace and respond effectively to our evolving experiences. Otherwise, how can we make appropriate adjustments toward our goals if we are not even aware of changes in the environment, or that our attention is being diverted from our purpose?

“When we are present in each moment,
the past gently rolls up behind us
and the future slowly unravels before us.”
~Rev. Richard Levy~

Since we are essentially creating our histories, as well as our paths to the future, it stands to reason that the way we experience the present directly determines our happiness and success outcomes. So if we think of life, not as game, but as a path being laid with both minor and major destinations (goals), it may be helpful to remember that success rarely occurs by accident . . . to create the life that we desire, it requires awareness and intention, which means that we actually have to be present and engaged.

Winning in life does not refer to an ultimate prize or defeating others. It simply means that we are able to remain focused and aware toward the end of accomplishing our goals, unshaken by the inevitable twists and turns of life. To be thrown off track (or to not even have a track) due to lack of awareness and intention, is not necessarily a loss (I don’t see anyone as a loser), but it definitely makes it hard to succeed.

Of course, there is no hard and fast rulebook for life. However, if one existed, I believe it would be approximately the size of a small pamphlet. Because, as much as we try to complicate life with deeply elaborate thinking, I actually believe the most important universal rules are very simple: take care of ourselves, be kind to others, what goes around comes around, have respect for the environment . . . and probably a few more. And then in fine print there will be one simple line with an asterisk that says:

*To build the life you desire, you must be PRESENT to win.

Where would you rate your level of awareness on a scale of “sleepwalker” versus “fully present?” How do you think your level of awareness affects your ability to accomplish life goals?

BECOME THE SELF YOU WOULD LOVE TO SEE IN PHOTOS

“What you are is what you have been.
What you’ll be is what you do now.”
~Buddha~

I recently spent some time with an old friend. Since we hadn’t seen each other in many years, we spent some quality time catching up with each other’s lives. We shared personal stories, which naturally prompted us to share photos. However, as we were pouring through some of her family photos, I couldn’t help but notice that she was in very few of them, and of the few she was in, she looked sort of . . . well, miserable.

She seemed to purposely position herself behind others, off to the side, or simply was absent. As we looked at the photos, I would naturally ask about the circumstances surrounding the photos, questioning who was in the photos, where they were, etc. As she described the photos, she tended to refer to herself in light of whatever negative thing was going on in her life at the time. She would say things like:

“That was the summer when I broke up with George.”
“Oh, that was when I put on 20 pounds – I looked like a cow.”
“I didn’t want to do my hair that day, so that’s why I was wearing a hat.”
“I left the picnic early because my sister pissed me off.”

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the point. I heard more about her negatively associated memories than I did commentary on the activities themselves!

This prompted me to think about the way we chronicle our lives. My friend’s life was chronicled by negative events – and her photos were there as permanent reminders. Then I thought about my own photo albums. What do I see when I view my pictorial past? What memories stand out the most? Am I the self I would like to see reflected in photos?

Something I often discuss in my writings is that we – ourselves – color the canvas of our lives. The canvas can become colorful, stark, or gloomy; it really depends on the content we supply.

My friend’s memories tend to be slanted toward negative experiences. It was as if she was merely “inserted” into the celebratory backdrops of the photos, but not really a part of them. Now when she looks at those images, instead of remembering the reasons for gathering and celebration, she recalls whatever negative experience she was going through at the time – and there seemed to be a lot of them.

Here is something important to consider: If today were our last day on earth, our lives would be defined in retrospect from our recollections of the time we’ve spent here – equivalent to an ultimate photo album. So the question is, are we reflecting the self we would like to reflect upon?

Becoming the self we would love to see in photos is not about vanity. It’s about being able to reflect inner satisfaction and joy. One way to do this is by increasing our levels of happiness so that no matter when a photo is taken, we will be photo ready. I’m not suggesting that we diminish our existential concerns to simply being ready for pictures – I am suggesting that we find ways to have more happy days so that we can increase the probability of a random snapshot capturing an authentically positive day in our lives.

In light of my friend’s story, consider the following suggestions:

Don’t extend the past into the future

Why? Aside from the fact that we can’t change the past, continuing to ruminate over a negative experience actually extends the pain of that experience. Before you know it, we’ve lost an entire year of happiness due to undue focus on a past event.

In reference to my friend’s experience, the ending of a romantic relationship does not have to evolve into a permanent sticking point. Therefore, instead of continuing to focusing on pain or failure, learn to extract a life lesson – and then let it go.

Don’t allow small things to disrupt a positive flow

Or as Richard Carlson said, don’t sweat the small stuff. When minor disturbances occur, keep them in perspective and don’t allow them to cast a shadow over the bigger picture.

Celebrate and chronicle milestones

Studies of depression have revealed that people with a depressed or pessimistic outlook tend to diminish their successes and magnify failures and inadequacies. Therefore, I believe it is crucial to assign importance to our “special days” and achievements.

Just like the mile markers we see on the highway, personal milestones serve as important markers in our lives. These markers can measure advancement, goal attainment, personal achievements, or important events. Whether it be a milestone birthday or attainment of a diploma, acknowledging milestones adds a layer of positivity in our lives by magnifying those positive events.

If we allow these events to pass without acknowledgement, our recollections can become skewed in a direction that gives too much weight to negative events. Celebration increases the positive emotions associated with these events, which serves as a way to burn these events into our memories.

Become more mindfully aware

When we replace mindlessness with mindfulness, we become more aware and appreciative of both the things we do and of the world around us. To truly enjoy a meal may sound like a small suggestion. But when you consider the number of meals we mindlessly eat on the go, it is easy to see the number of forgone opportunities for us to take a break from everyday stress to actually enjoy the moments of taste and nourishment.

Mindfulness narrows our focus to the moment we are presently experiencing. Using the example of my friend, mindful awareness would have opened her senses to enjoy not only the time spent with her family, but all the things surrounding those events: nature, fresh air, good food, connection, relaxation, etc.

Take better care of yourself

In addition to the items above, I think it is most important that we acknowledge the imperative for self-care. When we feel bad (depressed), we can often neglect the extra effort it takes to fully care for ourselves. The same is true when we live stressful and busy lives – when we place more importance on the business of living, self-nurturing is often placed at the bottom of our lists. In both cases, we should remain committed to personal grooming, healthy diet practices, exercise, rest/relaxation, and general self-nurturing.

Final thoughts

All we ever have is the present moment, which is great because the present is where all of our changes occur. We can begin living now in a way that not only improves our future, but in the present we can improve what is destined to become the recollections – snapshots – of our future past.

What do you see in the retrospective view of your life? If you were to take a snapshot right now, what would you reflect?

INTROSPECTION: Is it Frivolous?

How many of us really know ourselves? Is knowing ourselves truly important, or is introspection simply a frivolous activity for those who have nothing better to do?

There are many people who do not see the usefulness of introspection, and feel that it is synonymous with self-absorption. After all, there are many world problems that need solving. Why waste time looking inside of ourselves when we could be out saving the world – and, truly . . . what is the point?

Introspection, the observation of one’s inner thoughts, desires and feelings, has long been an activity attributed to deep thinkers. Even in the days of antiquity, ancient philosophers posed similar questions. Plato asked, “. . . why should we not calmly and patiently review our own thoughts, and thoroughly examine and see what these appearances in us really are?”

But, is this a relevant activity for our everyday living? Is introspective thought necessary?

Fast-forward to modern times, and we still see an interest in thought awareness. The interdisciplinary study of cognition (the study of mental processes, such as knowing or thinking) devotes a specific focus to the study of metacognition, which is loosely defined as “knowing about knowing,” or “thinking about thinking.” In addition to its obvious relevance to the process of learning, it also refers to self-regulation, meta-reasoning, consciousness and self-awareness.

Metacognition gives us the ability to think about, control, and transform our own thinking, which certainly has practical relevance. When we consider the fact that what we think and believe largely determines how we feel and act, introspection rises to a different level of importance.

There are two primary ways to go about living:

  1. Passively go about our lives in a haze of habit and reactivity. Do things the way we’ve always done them, never pondering whether our thoughts and actions are helping or hindering us. See ourselves as receivers of a random fate, reacting to whatever happens and allowing the chips to fall as they may. Life is a matter of disconnected existing, and happiness (or unhappiness) is simply a random by-product.

  2. Live our lives with a sense of awareness, waking each day with a higher goal in mind. See ourselves as managers of our lives, proactively cultivating our thoughts and actions in accordance with our goals. Examine the outcomes of our thoughts and actions, and make intentional changes as deemed necessary. Remain connected with our inner truths, and see happiness as the backdrop for everything else.

The primary difference between the 2 options lies within the level of intention. I believe that introspection is what unlocks intent. When we understand ourselves – our thinking, beliefs, desires, and feelings – it allows us to guide our own evolution. It makes it possible for us to examine our thinking and related behavior, and to make changes that will facilitate progress in an INTENDED direction. Therefore, considering the 2 options above, we can either live according to habit and impulse, or we can live by conscious intent.

Mindfulness, or present moment awareness, is a concept borrowed from Buddhist tradition that has been successfully adopted and used therapeutically by many Western psychologists. Mindfulness practice involves conscious awareness of one’s current thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. In addition to being aware, mindfulness also requires observing those thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them as good or bad. This is a very contemporary application of introspection and thought-awareness.

Introspection allows us to become deeply aware of our own thinking. Since our thinking is what colors our beliefs, assumptions, values, as well as our overall way of viewing reality, we can perhaps assign a higher level of importance to the activity of becoming more aware of ourselves.

Becoming more aware of ourselves places us squarely in the face of our own truths, and knowing our own truths allows us to connect more authentically with others. Introspection also helps us to intimately know ourselves through a heightened awareness of our feelings and emotions. In connecting with our inner selves, not only do we become more aware of self, but we can actually become more compassionate toward others. Having compassion for others begins with having an understanding of ourselves.

Introspection is a key with the potential to unlock the highest levels of our potential. It allows us to know ourselves, mold our beliefs, alter our thinking, set goals, change course, and enhance our connections to others. Realizing our human potential puts us on a direct path to happiness – and in my book, happiness is definitely not frivolous.

“Your vision will become clear
only when you look into your heart.
Who looks outside, dreams.
Who looks inside, awakens.”
~Carl Gustav Jung~

Image: Hand with Reflecting Sphere, by M.C. Escher

What are your thoughts about introspective thinking? Do you participate in any activities that facilitate introspection?

SHIFTING GEARS

Shift into the Present

Bad days suck. They come out of nowhere, and stick to you like double-sided tape – securely attached to you, and doubly attractive to the consequences of Murphy’s Law. Bad days have also been known to somehow affect the space-time continuum to where every real minute is consciously experienced as two. It’s the type of day where you swear that when you look up, you can see an actual black cloud overhead which has chosen to devote it’s time to you.

These types of days are usually triggered by a disappointment or bad event, and then go downhill from there. And the worst thing about having a bad day is that it is most likely a self-created situation.

Self-created? Yes, self-created.

It is a fact that bad things happen. Bad occurrences happen unexpectedly, yet they are normal (no one escapes them). However, our attitudes and reactions to these occurrences are what CREATE a bad day. Specifically, not allowing a bad moment to fade into the past is what perpetuates a bad day.

Bad occurrences are emotion-generating events. We appraise the situations that occur, and based on whether we believe them to be good or bad, an emotion arises. This is somewhat unconscious and automatic. Once we experience a negative emotion, our nervous systems are triggered so that we can initiate some type of coping behavior to solve the problem that has been presented. This is a very normal stress response, which is designed to be short-lived.

However, the problem arises when we don’t shift gears, and the emotion evolves into a MOOD (a more prolonged general state). There has been much research on the effects of emotion and mood on our ability to reason. Negative emotions exert a powerful influence over both perception and information-processing – what we think about, the decisions we make, as well as our creativity.

Have you ever been so angry that you can’t think straight? There is actually a biological reason for this. Without going into neuroscience, the short explanation is that the emotional and rational parts of our brain don’t work well together. The longer we stay in a negative mood, the less we are able to have good perceptions and judgments.

Perhaps this is the reason everything SEEMS to be bad when we are having a bad day. More than likely, the same occurrences on a good day would not be perceived as bad. We’d simply accept them as minor yet unlinked occurrences, versus catastrophe or as a string of bad luck. A good mood facilitates flexibility and creative problem-solving, allowing us to simply solve the problem and move on.

Learning to shift gears is directly related to the concept of emotional resilience; the ability to bounce back emotionally after suffering through difficult and stressful times. The word “resilient” itself refers to the ability to “spring back” into shape after being deformed. So think about this for a moment: If we prolong a bad moment, then we continue to dwell in the “deformed shape” created by that moment.

When bad things happen, they are only meant to affect us momentarily. Resilience allows us to experience stress, deal with it, and then move past it. Ultimately, the more times we practice resilience, the stronger we become at dealing with unpleasurable and stressful situations, and the more easily we are able to bounce back to a normal emotional state.

What helps me most in these situations is to always be mindful of the present. I try not to allow a bad moment to evolve into a bad day. I experience the emotions that naturally arise from a bad event, but I am very conscious of confining it to a small space in time, and then relinquishing it to the past. Once given the official status of “past,” I remain grounded in the present, which means not ruminating over what is now considered as the past.

The ability to shift gears is an integral part of managing overall happiness. Why? The reason is simple; because it minimizes suffering (unhappiness). In other words, bad occurrences don’t have to become prolonged anguish.

Not only does learning to shift gears promote resilience and happiness, but it also instills within in us a sense of mastery and control. The more we do it, the more competent we feel in our ability to do it, and it ultimately it prepares us to weather progressively stronger difficulties.

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.” ~Pema Chodron~

Growth does not occur in an environment of ease. Bad occurrences should be expected as a normal part of life, as well as an occasion to rise to a challenge.

If you accept the common metaphor that life is a journey, then perhaps you can see that learning to shift gears is simply a way of managing the traffic and detours that you will inevitably experience along the way. You shouldn’t end your trip due to a detour. Instead, learn to shift gears, point your compass toward the present, and embrace the opportunity to become a better driver.

How do you manage your bad days? Is it easy to shift gears, or do you find yourself getting stuck in them?

You may also enjoy: THE PRESENT MOMENT

THE PRESENT MOMENT

[Image via aslis.com]

During a recent conversation with a friend, I was sharing some of my future plans. I have a habit of “thinking out loud” while my mind is in the process of working something through, and it wasn’t long before I was focusing on the challenges more so than the actual goals. My friend finally interrupted, stating that I was stressing myself by worrying about the future. I denied that I was worrying, and he firmly responded, “Yes, you are.” He then reminded me of the following quote:

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Siddhārtha Gautama (Buddha)

Of course, I am very familiar with this quote; my friend was reminding me to focus on living “in the present.” But I never really accepted this as something realistic for my own life because I am an extremely goal-oriented person. If left to my own devices, I would create a flow chart and spreadsheet for every aspect of my life, with my focus always being in the future — so, present-mindedness was not an easy concept for me to grasp.

I read and study a lot. But, as I stated in an earlier entry, Celebrate Independence, I really don’t accept anything as true without discerning for myself whether it actually makes sense. So, when my friend mentioned the concept of present-mindedness, I realized that he was the THIRD person to bring this to my attention. So, I started thinking about what it actually means to “be in the present.”

What does it mean?

On the surface, it means being mindful of the present moment – not ruminating over the past, nor worrying about the future. It means enjoying life as it exists in this moment, and not as we wish it could, should, or would be. Okay, I understood this, especially about not focusing on the past; you cannot change what has already happened. But considering the fable, “The Ant and the Grasshopper,” I am definitely an ant, and ants are always working for the future.

It wasn’t until several days later when I was discussing training for a mountain trek, that I had an “A-ha moment” which crystallized my understanding of present-mindedness. I was explaining that I really wanted to get serious about doing longer local hikes to prepare myself for climbing. Someone raised the concern that many people don’t complete the climb due to altitude sickness, and they would hate to go so far only to FAIL in the end.

I responded that I really didn’t look at it that way, and whether or not I reached the summit, I would enjoy the climb itself, being able to experience nature of a new environment, enjoy the challenge, and learn more about myself (insert “A-ha moment” here). I had unintentionally explained what it means to be in the present.

Yes, the goal is to reach the top. However, if our only concern is to reach the top (future event), and we focus only on the obstacles that may or may not be present, we create a sense of anxiety regarding our ability to reach it. Similarly, if we ruminate over an incident that occurred prior to starting the ascent (past event), then we create a degree of distraction from the present activity of the actual climb.

I enjoy hiking. I never go on a hike with only the end in mind. I enjoy taking in the entire experience of it – nature, wildlife, openness of the outdoors, novelty, etc. I don’t really focus on reaching the end of the trail, nor do I focus on anything that happened prior to arriving at the trail. I’m simply excited about being ON the trail.

Enjoying the climb/trail represents the concept of present-mindedness. If we are past or future thinking, it means we are ALWAYS somewhere else, not able to enjoy the present moments of life. We are either stuck in the past, or worrying about the future. Past/future thinking also means that happiness is connected with a time OTHER THAN the present; it is either controlled by the past (I could have been happy IF . . .), or is pushed to some future time (once I finish school, retire, etc.).

Does this means that we should not plan or have goals? Of course, it doesn’t. Being “goal-oriented” is not necessarily synonymous with being “future-minded.” While we are taking steps to attain a goal, it is important to intentionally give attention to what is happening in the present moment. It means being aware of every moment AS WE EXPERIENCE IT, accepting what is happening today as being most important, not what may or may not happen in the future.

Why is this important?

The past, present and future are all connected through present moments. The past was at one time a present moment, and our future will become a present moment at some point. Hence, life consists of living in a series of present moments. Though we should acknowledge the past and future, we cannot dwell in either; the past has passed, and the future has not yet occurred.

I find it enlightening to contemplate the idea that our control over the past and future lies within the present. The present moment is where all of our decisions are made, so it is important to always be present-minded. During the activity of life, we are creating present moments that will ultimately influence the future. Additionally, the present moment will essentially become the past; therefore the control of our “future past” is also in the present moment.

My conclusion . . .

Living in the present means accepting life as it is NOW and, most importantly, it is about not letting our lives go by without truly living it. Happiness occurs in the present, which will become the happy past, and will essentially affect our future happiness.

Regarding goals, it means looking back on the effort and being able to say, “Wow, I really enjoyed that!”

And regarding life, living in the present pertains to the ongoing events of living. In other words, in contemplating the journey of living, it is knowing this: “It is better to travel well than to arrive.” Siddhārtha Gautama (Buddha)

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