Tag Archives: optimism

I OBJECT! (Building a Case Against “I Can’t”)

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable,
you disconnect yourself from what you truly want,
and all that is left is a compromise.”
~Robert Fritz~

I can’t think of anything more self-limiting than the words, “I can’t.” When we utter these words, it means we’ve surrendered to a limitation, and our world of experiences immediately becomes smaller. And to make matters worse, the limitation placed upon us is self-imposed.

The truth is that “can’t” usually means “won’t.” Why? Because regardless of the obstacles, people will pave a way for the things they truly want to do. So, when a person says, “I can’t,” what they are really saying is that they don’t wish to put forth the effort and, therefore, won’t.

Limiting ourselves in this way is detrimental to our psyches. We begin to internalize this response, and pretty soon our minds become habituated to it and will accept these limitations as an expected way to deal with future opportunities and problems. In other words, we set ourselves up for lives of compromise and underachievement.

Therefore, I am presenting a case against using the words, “I can’t,” and I would like to present the following concepts as “evidence” in support of my case:

EXHIBIT 1: Logic

When we use the word, “can’t,” we present ourselves with the challenge of proving that a 100% impossibility exists.

The word “can’t” only applies to complete impossibilities – such as a paralyzed person not being able to walk. But even in that case, alternatives may exist. However, if ANY possibility exists, then logically, we can’t use the word, “can’t.”

When we apply this logic, it will become apparent that many more things CAN be done than we think. In fact, most things can be done, given the right conditions.

EXHIBIT 2: Metaphysics

“Thanks to impermanence, everything is possible.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh~

In “The Key to Emotional Health”, I discussed the concept of impermanence. Impermanence refers to the transient nature of the world – nothing is fixed or permanent. By the very nature of impermanence, our circumstances are always changing. This means that we live in a world of ever-unfolding potential, and therefore possibilities always exist.

Just because the right conditions don’t exist at the moment, it does not mean that the proper conditions will never exist. Additionally, within us is the ability to work and create the proper conditions. Therefore, we can acknowledge that potential always exists, and instead of “I can’t,” we can tell ourselves, “I can, but not at this moment.”

EXHIBIT 3: Neuroscience

Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to change structurally and functionally as a result of input from the environment. This means our brains are reactive to the ways we channel our attention. For example, If we regularly channel our attention to reading, math, or playing piano, the neural areas of the brain associated with those activities become more developed and accessible, and we are more able to develop an expertise.

The same holds true for the type of thinking we do. If we are positive thinkers, then our brains become “wired” for positive thoughts and solutions. However, if we focus on negativity and limitations, then we tend to always think in negative and limiting ways.

The human brain is designed for problem-solving, which is defined as the effort to overcome obstacles obstructing the path to a solution. And as you can probably guess, the more we solve problems, the more adept we become at solving future problems. Additionally, when we search for new ways around a problem, we often tap into our ability to think creatively.

The moment we say, “I can’t,” we close the door on our thinking. Essentially, we give ourselves permission to cop-out on a challenge. But the truth is that all possibilities exist within our thinking. In this context, “can’t” exists due to two common things: an unwillingness to search for a solution, and because we’ve trained the mind to limit itself.

EXHIBIT 4: Positive Psychology

A primary focus of Positive Psychology is to find and nurture our strengths and talents, and discover ways to make normal life more fulfilling. According to positive psychologists, our ability to experience happiness is directly linked to our ability to be optimistic. Optimism is the tendency to take a hopeful view about the future, or to have confidence in the successful outcome of an endeavor.

Learned helplessness, on the other hand, occurs when one believes that they have no control over what occurs, and that something external from themselves dictates their ability to succeed or accomplish a task.

Self-limiting thoughts are counterproductive to cultivating optimism. When we say, “I can’t,” we are accepting the idea that we don’t have control over our ability to accomplish something – which is not very optimistic. “I can’t” perpetuates an inner dialogue that short-circuits our goal-directed thinking because we start to believe that we don’t have the capacity (helplessness) to find a route to our desired goals.

A PROPOSED SOLUTION: Learn to overcome personal objections

“Refuse to accept the many reasons why it can’t be done and ask if there are any reasons it can be done.” ~Hanoch McCarty~

Whenever we have a feeling that we can’t do something, we should pause before we actually say it. We should think about the circumstances that would make the endeavor possible, and then be honest about whether we WANT to put forth the effort to do it. It’s really a matter of overcoming our own objections. Instead of filing our hesitation under the category of “I can’t,” we should uncover the true issue.

For instance, if we wish to travel the world, it’s not really rocket science. We simply must create the proper conditions. World travel requires money, travel documents, and time. Whether we are willing to create these conditions is really a matter of “will” or “won’t,” not “can’t.” We will accumulate the money, apply for the appropriate travel documents, and schedule a time to go – or we won’t.

To uncover the real reasons behind our objections, we can challenge our limiting thoughts through dialogue. An internal dialogue will sound something like this (simplified version):

“I wish I could travel around the world, but I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t have a passport.”
“What does it take to get a passport?”
“I’m not sure – I guess I could google it.”
“Hmm . . . it seems relatively easy. But I don’t really have the money to travel.”
“Can I get the money?”
“Yes, I could save for a year. But, that means I’ll have to make some sacrifices.”
“Am I willing to sacrifice my current spending to save for a trip?”
Yes/No

Even if the answer ends up being “no” in the end, at least we will have explored the possibilities that exist. This allows us to see that we actually CAN accomplish this goal if we’re willing to put forth the effort to create the proper conditions.

This type of dialogue can reveal a lot about who we really are. Maybe we will learn something new about our authentic selves, and it is possible to uncover a few hidden fears.

CONCLUSION: Become empowered with “I CAN”

“Can’t” implies a limitation that has been imposed upon us – which is disempowering. Therefore, by eliminating the word “can’t,” we are actually embracing the power to DECIDE what we truly wish to do. Whether we “will” or “won’t” means that we’ve made an empowered choice, versus reacting to an imposed prohibition.

Henry Ford was right: Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you are right. When we tell ourselves “I can’t,” it ensures that we will not even attempt – which guarantees the utterance of “I can’t” to become a self-fulfilled prophecy.

Therefore, we should eliminate the limited thinking of “I can’t” so that we can get out of our own way. Once we remove our largest obstacle, we open ourselves to the freedom of unlimited experiences and infinite possibilities.

And now . . . I rest my case.

How often do you find yourself saying, “I can’t?” What do you think your life would be like if you eliminated self-limiting thinking?”

ROADBLOCKS: 5 Ways to Deal With Them

Plans, goals and objectives – those are the words that come to mind when thinking about the activity of planning: mapping a route to a predetermined destination. Usually, we specify a goal, and then list the specific tasks needed to carry it out. We follow the plan step by step, ticking off each task until we finally reach our goal. But what happens when you reach an obstacle that has the potential to derail the entire trip?

We all experience roadblocks in our lives. Even with the best laid plans, you can’t always divine a roadblock that lies ahead. Although you can plan for contingencies, you can’t anticipate them all due to an infinite set of variables that come into play when attempting to accomplish a goal. We have to accept that some roadblocks cannot be accounted for on paper; sometimes it is in the act of DOING that you actually come upon them.

We, as humans, are very resilient, and are endowed with problem-solving abilities that are unique to our species, which includes the ability to consider alternative courses of action. How well we handle roadblocks will determine to what extent we are able to evolve. Those who master this ability will go on to accomplish great things. And those who don’t will stagnate.

How can we strengthen our ability to handle roadblocks? There are 5 things that have helped (and continue to help) me to stay on track when presented with a roadblock:

  1. Reframe the situation. As mentioned in a previous entry, Changing the Frame, you can change your mind-set by changing the way you view the situation; strive to see the roadblock from another point of view. Instead of seeing it as a blocked roadway (negative), you could think of it as an opportunity to discover a new route (positive).

  2. Recognize opportunity. A “ROAD CLOSED“ sign is usually accompanied by a “DETOUR” sign, which is not the same as a “STOP” sign. It simply means that you must take an alternate route. You may find that you have to think harder, become more creative, or take more time to reach your destination. However, our brains are designed to work in a “use-it-or-lose-it” fashion, so embrace the opportunity to use it! New opportunities lead to growth, and growth leads to strength and resilience.

  3. Don’t be afraid to ask for directions. In the same way that you would consult your GPS system, seek to engage others. Sometimes when we are hyper-focused on a goal, we develop myopic thinking, which can hamper our ability to see the big picture. Opening yourself to suggestions from others can help to expand your options. It is especially helpful to consult people outside of your normal social circle because if you limit your conversations to people who share the same perspective as you, you may not receive any ideas that differ from your own.

  4. Be flexible. Don’t lose sight of your objective, which is simply to accomplish your goal. It really doesn’t matter which road gets you there, so don’t confine yourself by becoming emotionally attached to the initially planned route. If you reach a bend in the road, then go with it. If you reach a hindrance, plan to go around it. Never rule out any option without contemplating its merit. Rigidity leads to stress. Instead, think about words such as fluidity and flow.

  5. Remain optimistic. Remember there is always more than one route to any given destination, with one route not necessarily being better than another. Have the resolve that you WILL accomplish your goal, and embrace the growth-promoting challenges that will inevitably accompany you along the way.

When encountering roadblocks, as with life in general, there is not an ultimate BEST or ONLY route; there is only the route that you ultimately choose to take . . . which actually ends up being the best, because it got you to where you needed to go. Lastly, consider that a detour can intrinsically make the trip (and goal) more rewarding. I can’t think of a better way to express this than with the words of Robert Frost:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

(Excerpt from The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost)

When was the last time you faced a true roadblock in your life? How did you overcome it? Or . . . did you become derailed?

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